The almost breakup

I really hate to post art without credit to the author but cannot find any back info, this this is something I found on artidote that speaks to me currently

5:00 WED 7 MAR

Why is it you whisper, when you really need to yell?

Well, it’s my day off, I have no internet, it has been a fucking horrendous week, and I am just about ready to give up on the day. I have had approx. 4 hours sleep and my body will not allow me anymore. So here I am, tapping away at a word doc, to copy and paste when I get to an area with my beloved internet connection.

8:00 WED 7 MAR

…Struggling to collect my thoughts into one coherent place. Thus writing deleted. Will resume after a brew.

10:00 WED 7 MAR

I’m a little bit sad, a little bit mad, but all round glad. It’s a funny old thing, dating.

The breakup to an almost relationship leaves you with a sense of loss that you can’t comprehend. You weren’t ever together, but you thought it was headed that way. It’s a sense of grief for what could have been.  A couple of days, spent wondering where it went wrong. What is wrong with you? Having to say to friends, 'oh yeah, it just wasn’t happening for us, still mates though.'

I’ve gained a friend, a mate who I have plans to see again and someone I genuinely like as a person. It’s not so easy being the one who was more involved. The one who was ignorant to the faults, but I can’t imagine it was much easier to be the one to address the issues.

Fortunately I had the lady balls to ask for an exit interview of sorts, a quick what went wrong, are we still gonna be friends realistically, and if possible please be as frank as you can so I don’t spend too much time going over what I see wrong with myself. This has proved to be the most beneficial way to ‘break up’ in my experience. As I sit typing I’m still texting back and forth about the perils of overly involved exs and tinder and having a good old laugh. We have broke up in the healthiest of ways.

I know I’ve spoke before about my approval of staying close with someone who’s seen you in the throes of passion, but I need to reiterate. If we’ve fucked, it doesn’t mean we cannot be friends. The first person I spoke with regarding the split was an ex bedroom friend. He’s one of my best friends and I would not have it any other way.

When it became evident we weren’t going to proceed as a couple, I couldn’t sleep for hours. I felt sick and started to panic, a sense of loss consumed me. Anxiety took over with force. After talking it over I settled somewhat, a little later it resumed, but this morning we have been chit chatting away as just friends and you know what? It’s fucking wonderful. I’m back talking to tinder folk, having a laugh with my friends in regards to it all. I have plans to see the chap this weekend and have a catch up. Everything looks sunny again.

Sat here, thinking it over I am fucking proud. I’ve bounced back within hours. My spirits are high, and so are my hopes for my future dates. I’m surrounded by a fantastic entourage who fucking adore me. I’m in a good place with good prospects.

I’d like to thank the afore mentioned datee.  You’re a fucking cool guy and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed our time. I hope you don’t mind too much that I’ve wrote about the experience but I’d imagine you would be supportive. You da bomb, R.

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In other news, I think I’ll be taking a little break from writing. I’m not sure on how long for, just until I feel like I have new content to write about and/or some fresh emotions as I grow weary of rehashing the same sentiments. It’s something I’ve been considering for a while, as my work life is rather hectic and I have little downtime as it is. You’ve all been wonderful in your supportive messages and I’d love to sit down with each and every one of you for a brew and a chat at some point.

Until next time, my darlings.

Soph. X

Ps, it's not all doom and gloom. I've got tickets to see 'Teeners, Beans On Toast and to Tramlines. So, soph is pretty sweet currently. 

Come the fuck on already, summer.