Mind The Gap
So kids, today I left my job.
A lot of questions have been asked and I'm growing rather weary of answering them individually so, here's a lil FAQ style piece to clear it up.. (that doubles as a farewell to all the lovely faces I've seen around)
What will you do now?
I've worked since I was 16. Not always hard, admittedly. I dropped out of college to work full time in the pub because my desire for money was stronger than my desire for higher education. At the time it was the right decision. I wasn't applying myself to any of my work and I changed subjects almost every term. Not one of my (numerous) courses was relevant to any career I fleetingly fancied. With that said, I've never truly known what I want to do. I have wanted to be a teacher, a lawyer, a chef, a publican, a plumber and most recently a counsellor, I still have no set path. Right now, I'm still employed by the pub and I will spend some time there, figuring out where I want to be, just on a lower income. (so don't ask me to do expensive things cause like, I'll be broke) I rushed into my previous job as an escape from tiresome hours and minimum wage. I see the irony now, that I am back where I started, but I'm okay with that. This time I'm going to really consider what I'm going into and if it's right for me. So essentially, I'm taking a gap year from life.
Why did you leave?
In three words, I was miserable. I initially handed my notice in as I was moving to Liverpool. - Recent events have made that impossible for the moment, but with my plans for the future on the back burner I left my notice standing. I am 100% certain that the events of 2016 and my excessive use of stimulants contributed greatly to my breakdown, but working in the same office, every day, uttering the same sentence, and receiving the same hurl of abuse 5 days a week, was not something I was strong enough to handle. I've cried to managers multiple times. I've been signed off twice. The amount of support and leeway I have received from colleagues and some managers is unbelievable. (Seriously, L, J & R I'll not put your names out there, but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. The things you've kept confidential and the chats we've had have not been took lightly. I left briefly and felt awkward actually saying it out loud, so it's in my favourite medium, written. I'll remember you always and hold an admiration for your patience, and character.) I have the greatest of respect for the people who have learnt to detach from the job, and can tolerate the pressure. It's probably not that difficult of a job, but for me who needs to be moving, chatting, smiling it was the worst. I cannot survive in the callcenter environment. I don't think any one who struggles with their MH can. In all honesty, if it hadn't been for the people (and the pay) I doubt I would have made it past summer. The only times I've doubted my choice to make a change was when I took into account all the wonderful souls I will no longer see daily. Most of you, I will not see at all and believe me, I'm a lot more upset about that than you'd believe. I left on a pursuit of happiness, but I would love to keep you all in my life.
Would you recommend the job?
Believe it or not, yes. I could not handle the pressure on hard days, but on good days it was lovely. We would laugh with customers, receive praise and eat cake. The hours can be long but they are fairly distributed. If like me, you come from a background in hospitality the prospect of weekends off, no midnight finishes, really good pay, and decent progression routes sound heaven sent. If you've got thick skin and don't mind things getting a little mundane, you will do well. The people you meet are from varied cultures and backgrounds. I have made many, many friends in the past 14 months and everyone of you I've loved for a different reason. You've all taught me something new and helped me rebuild myself.
Are you okay?
Yes, I really am. I'm happy it's come to an end on good terms. I'm excited at having the freedom to pave my own path. I've never had this chance to take a step back and rethink. 2018 is, in a way, my sabbatical. Granted, I am gutted to be leaving behind so many new friends, and I understand from now forth I may only see a handful of your faces, but it is a part of life. I've made this change to fix my own life. I went sober, started cutting out the toxic people and found new hobbies, but unless I change my work life too, I fear it will not be enough. A lot of people are probably expecting a scathing review of my 'year from hell' but that hasn't been the case. Upon reflection I have fond memories of working the phones. Customer service is not something I would like to pursue again, or at least for a while, but who knows where I will be when I'm a little better?
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All my love, Soph. x
P.S - Tell the cleaners they can steal this cup too, I know they had all my others..
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