Soph and Sex
(Sorry mum if you see this)
All to often I am seeing women (and males) being defined by their promiscuity as though it is something dirty, to be ashamed of. It is the topic often joked about by myself and my friends after 1 gin (or 10) too many where we will count partners or discuss encounters as though they were mistakes. I am at a comfortable stage in my life where I am happy to declare that I do not regret one of my drunken fumbles.
We are built to procreate but that isn't what sex is about. It is about enjoying the moment, loving ourselves, allowing ourselves to free us from our current stresses and losing ourselves in the throes of passion. It isn't an activity solely for people in committed relationships, it isn't exclusive to one individual and if you want to fuck your friends and share a fag afterwards, why shouldn't you? Personally I have never had a bad experience with a 'friend with benefits' and I still count them as very dear friends who I am more than comfortable to spend time with, also not having sex. It is a way to build a closeness hard to achieve without the physical bonding. Laughs are shared, we don't need to settle down and fall in love, because we love each other in a different way. One that I much prefer, where we can talk about all aspects of life, and the likelihood of growing hate for each other is slim to none. It is building a level of trust and comfort. Obviously, I'm not saying you must go fuck all your friends (but if you want to, you go girl!) but don't ever deny yourself joy because they aren't going to be your boyfriend.
I have always been quite open in my sexuality and if people have questions I am more than happy to answer them. I discuss sex with my parents, my siblings and it is of great importance to me that they are having happy, fulfilling sex lives. There is no shame in admitting a great shag usually leads to a great day leading to happiness! What I am not down with is people assuming that because I may have had more partners than others that I may struggle to settle down and find a life partner when I feel it is the right time. Any one who judges you on your personal choices of recreation over who you are as a person is not someone you should be settling for. This has indeed happened in my past, where a person I loved very dearly often referred to my past and made harsh accusations based on his own insecurities. For a while I blamed myself, said I was weak, unfortunately this is the norm. We have been systematically programmed to follow lead. As a result I stopped dressing up, wearing make up and feeling beautiful. I often named myself as the 20 something grandma. Also, this left me fearful of being completely open with future partners and that is whats wrong.
Now, topic of the season..
NUDES.
A friend recently told me that he wasn't 'down' with his girlfriend posting nudes online. Now where I understand society has built the impression that the naked body is something to be kept behind closed doors and especially as a female that if you want to photograph your own naked body you must do it only for your boyfriend(???!!??) its all bollocks. You post whatever the fuck you want darling. We are long past the age where we were some form of trophy. This 'lady in the streets, freak in the bed' needs to stop immediately. Guys, if you would like to worship us and never want to share us, fine. However, your bird isn't about to jump on another guy because he likes her insta posts. If she's chosen you, be fucking grateful and accept that.
I also recently saw a post that stated, 'if you don't want your nudes leaked, don't take them' how does a big, fat fuck you sound? Classic art is full of nudity, it celebrated the human form, as should we. The reason why most people my own age are not comfortable in their own skin is because we never see real bodies in the media. I believe if you are having a day where you feel body posi, take a note of it. Even if its just for you, cause one day your not gonna be feeling yourself and you need to see how beautiful you really are when you accept yourself
Only in the past few months did I realise that, I actually have a lovely pair of tatties. This is purely because we never see them natural. These superimposed tits are a real issue. Perhaps if we saw a few more consented nudes, things would change.
Now what I (unfortunatley) feel I must add, is gents, unless we ask for them, don't send us pictures of your dicks. It's not hot. The key term here is consent.
Right, now then what about those funny old double standards. Lets get them addressed..
Personally, I struggle to befriend and stay friends with females. I have always just been more comfortable in a group of lads. So far too often, I have heard chaps state that they wouldn't wanna shag a girl who has been with his mate, but he would happily go for her and her friend, both at once if he was really lucky! Now really guys, what is your issue? All I can put it down to is insecurity. You think I'm gonna start blowing you and tell you its smaller than ya besties? Cause honestly kids, we don't actually pay that much attention. Also if ya missus has fucked more guys (or girls) than you, just accept it. It in no way changes her, she is still the beautiful, intelligent girl you chased and courted. I'm trying to not stick on the topic too much as I'm often found drunkenly ranting about how inequality is fucking with the millennial girls, and if you follow me on twitter (you probably don't) you will see I am often having feminist debates with middle aged men who think we should roll up our sleeves and get over it (this is aimed at you, Eric)
Today, I was called a slag by a colleague. The one word that gets a rise from me. I think he thought that was an acceptable term to use as he had once had a drunken roll with me and I was rude enough to remain friendly with his friends (also my colleagues) now, perhaps he hasn't met anyone who was quite as comfortable with themselves and that has confused him. Perhaps hes just not a very respectful person, but none the less I forgive you. You have been brought in to a society where it is an achievement for a stud to enter as many beautiful trophy pulls as possible, but ladies must keep legs, mouths and minds shut for fear of denting your ego. If you are reading this (you probably aren't) just try be kinder in future.
It is a shame that I even have to cover the next topic, makes me fucking sick that people aren't changing.
Consent.
"Can I buy you a drink/Want to go for something to eat/ I like you/Ect." is not an invitation to fuck. Say what you mean, I may want to have a bev with you after work, but that doesn't mean I want your penis. Don't call us prick teasers for not wanting to give you a nosh. If you wanna fuck, tell me, chances are I won't be interested, but if I am I'll be sure to let you know.
Now Alcohol & Sex, that's a tricky one but really it boils down to can she walk/undress herself? If so proceed, if not tuck that messy little princess up and say goodnight. She will respect you more for doing so and you wont be a rapist. Win, win.
Right so with step one out the way, we have decided we want to sleep with you..
if at any fucking point we change our minds. Stop. Stop immediately. Don't guilt trip us with your semi erect penises, don't fucking grind on our backs to remind us that you were in to it. It's not going to change a thing. Be kind, be understanding, understand that what once was desired can change. I shouldn't have to explain the next part, don't be a fucking rapist
When you force yourself upon a girl it changes her, not for a month, not a year, forever.
On a lighter note, I hope you all have wonderful, healthy, fulfilling sex lives,
Goodnight,
soph. x
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